Ok. Tonight’s Bach recap is going to be short. All I want is to curl up in my comfy bed but I’m pretty sure that if I wait till morning to do this I won’t remember what happened. So here goes.
After the world’s longest introduction, we find out that Kacie is getting the first one-on-one. Yayyy now we don’t have to listen to her whining about how she just wants to have him all to herself. They fly around in a helicopter and land…on a desert island. Then the date consists of…chilling Castaway style?? WHAT? They cut open a coconut? Ben gets sweaty and it’s gross. Kacie’s hair is doing unfortunate things. I’m pretty sure there are rainforests and beautiful beaches in Panama, why didn’t they go to one of those? This date sucks.
Kacie confesses, very painfully, that she had an eating disorder in high school and that made her grow up especially fast. Ben reacts by…doing nothing. Except asking her how long she had it. Kacie graciously thanks Ben for making it easy on her to share this painful background story. In my opinion, he was not very comforting or kind to her about this. He just seems so cold. Bleh. Anyway she obviously gets the rose. I didn’t think he was that into her…although oppressive humidity and discussing bulimia tend to take the romance out of a date.
Group date is announced…and clearly Blakeley and Rachel are going to be doing the 2-on-1 thing. Blakeley is inexplicably really excited. Rachel realizes that this is going to be a fight to the death.
The other chicas – Jamie, Courtney, Lyndzi, Nicki, Emily, Casey – head off to a village, where they do body paint, and run around in loin cloths. Ben looks terrible. I’m sorry, I can’t hold back my Ben loathing very well. But he seems to have put on a few pounds, and he’s wearing a really unfortunate loincloth, and we’ve already discussed the hair. Courtney gets ahead by wearing nothing but a sarong and see-through beaded top, and by stealing Ben away every chance she gets. She really doesn’t seem very into Ben, but she definitely likes that she’s “winning” this game.
Cut to cocktail party. Ben has a sloppy-drunk conversation with Lyndzi, where he gives her the highest compliment that he can give a woman – that she’s low maintenance. It’s painfully clear that Ben is looking for two things: easy-going, and sex. Is Ben aware that there are simpler ways to find an easy girl than going on the Bachelor? Perhaps he should try an escort service? But again, I’m getting off track.
He has a painfully awkward convo with Jamie, who still hasn’t kissed him. He gives her some patronizing advice probably. I forget. Emily redeems herself by pretending that she’s fallen in love…with the chief from the village. HILAR. I think the chief would probably have made a better boyfriend – at least he wouldn’t have lectured you about the proper way to behave on a TV dating show.
Emily apologizes for what she said about Courtney and Courtney graciously forgives her. Just kidding. Courtney says “we’ll never been friends and I don’t forgive and forget.” Who looks like the asshole now?
Lyndzi gets the rose, Courtney is pissed. Courtney waits up, hoping Ben will come to her room. Doesn’t she share a suite with like 8 other women? Guess not. Ben does not show. Courtney is upset.
Two on one time. This is my friend Jenna’s favorite date of the season, but I was extremely uncomfortable. Rachel and Blakeley both put on ridiculous dresses and dance salsa with Ben…Ben says “sexual” in a really gross way…and finally, Blakeley shows Ben the scrapbook that she has made of their time together. Ben smiles and makes out with her…and then punts her to the door, giving Rachel the rose. Blakeley storms off and I’m SO PROUD…but Big Baby Ben demands that he gets a chance to explain just why he decided to send her packing…and it’s that he doesn’t like her! Thanks for clearing that up Ben! You’re right, the best way to respect someone is to send them home right after sucking face!
Back at the house. There’s drama with Casey. She’s still in love with her ex-bf. She cries a lot, and tells Ben, who is all, I just told you to be open, and you weren’t, so you should go home. I feel bad for Casey because she’s in a “why can’t I quit you” situation with this guy from home, who doesn’t want to marry her. But she gets carted off in a minivan of tears.
Rose ceremony. This is almost too awkward to write about. Jamie, in a sangria-fueled last ditch effort to win Ben’s heart, mounts him during their along time and tries to make out with him. It is really bad. I like Jamie so I’m done writing about it.
Shocker, Jamie’s the one going home. It’s fine, she was too good for Ben anyway. Now we’re off to BELLLIIIZZZEE home of romance and malaria! Until next time!
After the world’s longest introduction, we find out that Kacie is getting the first one-on-one. Yayyy now we don’t have to listen to her whining about how she just wants to have him all to herself. They fly around in a helicopter and land…on a desert island. Then the date consists of…chilling Castaway style?? WHAT? They cut open a coconut? Ben gets sweaty and it’s gross. Kacie’s hair is doing unfortunate things. I’m pretty sure there are rainforests and beautiful beaches in Panama, why didn’t they go to one of those? This date sucks.
Kacie confesses, very painfully, that she had an eating disorder in high school and that made her grow up especially fast. Ben reacts by…doing nothing. Except asking her how long she had it. Kacie graciously thanks Ben for making it easy on her to share this painful background story. In my opinion, he was not very comforting or kind to her about this. He just seems so cold. Bleh. Anyway she obviously gets the rose. I didn’t think he was that into her…although oppressive humidity and discussing bulimia tend to take the romance out of a date.
Group date is announced…and clearly Blakeley and Rachel are going to be doing the 2-on-1 thing. Blakeley is inexplicably really excited. Rachel realizes that this is going to be a fight to the death.
The other chicas – Jamie, Courtney, Lyndzi, Nicki, Emily, Casey – head off to a village, where they do body paint, and run around in loin cloths. Ben looks terrible. I’m sorry, I can’t hold back my Ben loathing very well. But he seems to have put on a few pounds, and he’s wearing a really unfortunate loincloth, and we’ve already discussed the hair. Courtney gets ahead by wearing nothing but a sarong and see-through beaded top, and by stealing Ben away every chance she gets. She really doesn’t seem very into Ben, but she definitely likes that she’s “winning” this game.
Cut to cocktail party. Ben has a sloppy-drunk conversation with Lyndzi, where he gives her the highest compliment that he can give a woman – that she’s low maintenance. It’s painfully clear that Ben is looking for two things: easy-going, and sex. Is Ben aware that there are simpler ways to find an easy girl than going on the Bachelor? Perhaps he should try an escort service? But again, I’m getting off track.
He has a painfully awkward convo with Jamie, who still hasn’t kissed him. He gives her some patronizing advice probably. I forget. Emily redeems herself by pretending that she’s fallen in love…with the chief from the village. HILAR. I think the chief would probably have made a better boyfriend – at least he wouldn’t have lectured you about the proper way to behave on a TV dating show.
Emily apologizes for what she said about Courtney and Courtney graciously forgives her. Just kidding. Courtney says “we’ll never been friends and I don’t forgive and forget.” Who looks like the asshole now?
Lyndzi gets the rose, Courtney is pissed. Courtney waits up, hoping Ben will come to her room. Doesn’t she share a suite with like 8 other women? Guess not. Ben does not show. Courtney is upset.
Two on one time. This is my friend Jenna’s favorite date of the season, but I was extremely uncomfortable. Rachel and Blakeley both put on ridiculous dresses and dance salsa with Ben…Ben says “sexual” in a really gross way…and finally, Blakeley shows Ben the scrapbook that she has made of their time together. Ben smiles and makes out with her…and then punts her to the door, giving Rachel the rose. Blakeley storms off and I’m SO PROUD…but Big Baby Ben demands that he gets a chance to explain just why he decided to send her packing…and it’s that he doesn’t like her! Thanks for clearing that up Ben! You’re right, the best way to respect someone is to send them home right after sucking face!
Back at the house. There’s drama with Casey. She’s still in love with her ex-bf. She cries a lot, and tells Ben, who is all, I just told you to be open, and you weren’t, so you should go home. I feel bad for Casey because she’s in a “why can’t I quit you” situation with this guy from home, who doesn’t want to marry her. But she gets carted off in a minivan of tears.
Rose ceremony. This is almost too awkward to write about. Jamie, in a sangria-fueled last ditch effort to win Ben’s heart, mounts him during their along time and tries to make out with him. It is really bad. I like Jamie so I’m done writing about it.
Shocker, Jamie’s the one going home. It’s fine, she was too good for Ben anyway. Now we’re off to BELLLIIIZZZEE home of romance and malaria! Until next time!
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