Bachelor Ben - Episode 8

Hometowns are the best…am I right? Everyone’s families put on their best “we’re normal and loving people” faces for the cameras and mayhem (or romance) ensues.

I’ll be honest, this is a tough one to recap. This is when the show actually puts on it’s serious face and gets down to the Business of Love. There’s less ridiculousness, more heartfelt confessions. That being said, let’s get started.

Things start off on a positive note with Lindzi. Her parents are really cute and her dad makes a lot of cheesy jokes which is pretty sweet.

Side note: Can I just say really quickly that I mean no harm in talking about people’s families on here. I know that can be a touchy subject. Every family has its quirks and issues – because unfortunately families are made up of human beings. Unless you have 30 cats and call them your “babies.” Which I am not above doing. So, on the extremely slim chance that anyone from any of these families happens to read this and is offended, I apologize.

Ok back to judging people! I think it’s fair to say that Lindzi’s family is pretttty loaded. And as I learned from the internet (so it must be true and up for psychological analysis) Benny Booboobear grew up pretty wealthy himself. Both families even have genteel professions – winemaker? Horse farm? Is this “Under the Tuscan Sun”? I don’t even know what that meant. But anyway, Ben is really at home with this family, because they seem like they came from the same background he did. Also, they don’t challenge him – they like him instantly.

Permission to marry Lindzi: Pretty much given.
Good feeling upon leaving (1-10): Definitely a solid 9.

Annnnd now it’s time for Kacie. Couldn’t go more differently. Ben shows up at the high school field named after her grandfather and sees a marching band with Kacie twirling her baton at the center of it all. Strike 1 for “Kacie’s too young for this.” Kacie then tells Ben in an offhand way that her dad is a parole officer, he is not going to be supportive of this whole “finding love on TV thing,” and he doesn’t drink. I’m from Tennessee, so I can state for the record that that is a bit much. That’s not an especially normal thing, y’all. Even for Tennessee. See how I used y’all there? This guy is going to be tough.

He doesn’t disappoint. There’s clearly some tension between Kacie and her parents already, and if I were her I would have had some Real Talk with him before the meeting and explained that even though I expected my parents to be Debbie Downers, to not take it personally and know that I’m independent from them.

Kacie’s family, especially compared to Lindzi’s, is a culture shock for Ben. Their solidly middle class life in Tennessee is very different from his more glamorous upbringing, and he has no idea how to communicate with the Southerners when they bring up “traditional values.” Ben doesn’t help himself by saying that “Kacie has surprised me” and “I have feelings for the other ladies.” His hair also looks really bad.

Kacie’s mom drops the bomb that she does not want them to live together before getting married. She comes off really rigid. SHOCKINGLY Ben does not react especially well to be challenged by Kacie’s parents. The bickering with her parents make Kacie look younger. Game over for Kacie.

Permission to marry Kacie: Um…not given.
Good feeling upon leaving (1-10): It’s bad. I’d say about a 2.

Nicki time. “He’s the best man I’ve ever met.” Statements like that make me sad, especially when I think about Ben skinny dipping covertly with Courtney but playng the innocent card the rest of the time. How can he call him a “good man” when he didn’t really listen to her advice about Courtney?

I just love Nicki. While Lindzi’s enthusiasm just wears me out, Nicki’s is so sweet and genuine that it just puts me in a better mood. I believe her when she says she didn’t give up on her first marriage, and at the same time I think it’s impressive that she realized that the marriage wasn’t working and decided to get out, instead of just staying miserable.

Unlike Kacie, Nicki says off the bat that she wouldn’t be able to marry Ben without her family’s approval. After some pretttty cute gal chatting time with her mom, Nicki talks about what a good man Ben is once again, and what a good husband he would be. It’s so hard to watch how happy Nicki is – maybe she’ll be the one there when it’s all over, but I doubt it, and I hate for her to get hurt.

Oh man, time for the dad talk. Nicki’s dad is old fashioned in the best kind of way. He worries that maybe he should have questioned Nicki more before giving her his blessing on her first marriage. Oh he is just too sweet. He starts to cry. Ok can’t watch…something in my eye…hmmm hmmm…moving on.

Nicki’s family’s support makes Ben see Nicki in a new light. He makes a big comment, “today there were moments when I looked over at Nicki and thought, I love this girl.” The thing is, I think he loves her family. “I think Nicki could make me happy, for the rest of my life.” What about wanting to make her happy? Ugh sigh.

Permission to marry Nicki: Yes, as long as she’s sure.
Good feeling upon leaving (1-10): They hit it out of the park - 10.

Alright time for Courtney. Saving the best for last I see. I just cannot make myself watch this again. But I will. For you people.

Courtney says she’s really happy to be away from the girls, and she’s thought about the way her interactions with them affected her relationships with Ben. So she’s sorry. Aka, she realizes that it’s necessary for her to say this for us to not hate her. WRONG AGAIN COURTNEY.

“It would be hard for me to be with someone that rubbed people the wrong way,” Ben says. Insert obvious joke here.

Courtney’s dad reminds me of a politician – Joe Biden perhaps? Courtney’s mom is sweet, but I agreed with what Trista Sutter tweeted – it seems like Courtney kind of looks down on her parents, like she does the rest of the girls. She has a very hard time giving seeing other people on her level – even Ben, it seems like. Case in point: “If he keeps it up, I’ll be ready to say yes when he proposes.” That’s a lot different from the giddy love we see from Kacie, Lindzi and especially Nicki.

Time for the weirdest part of the show. Courtney decides to tell Ben that she loves him…by creating a fake wedding? That he has to write vows for. BIZARRE. But that goes without saying. It’s pretty genius though, because it forces Ben to put his own feelings into words, instead of just sitting back and listening to the women tell him how much they love him, which is what happened at the first 3 visits.

If you want to read something that will truly do this travesty justice, you have to read this piece on Grantland - The Bachelor Tape Study: How Courtney the Model Engineered the Ultimate Practice Wedding. I’ll just sum it up for you: bitch is crazy. Crazy like a FOX.

Permission to marry Courtney: Umm…yeah?
Good feeling upon leaving (1-10): Eh I’d give it a middle range – 5.

Rose ceremony time. Ben boots off baby Kacie, which is really sad – her screaming fit in the limo is really, really hard to watch because it’s so real. Oh, sad. Sorry team, this is the worst recap ever. My apologies. The Bachelor has beaten the snark out of me.