GAR! How am I supposed to do a legit recap NOW? Really Ben? REALLY? We’ll get to the reason in a bit…
Episode starts strong, Nicki gets the one-on-one. We shouldn’t be surprised…the way to Ben’s heart is to be ever-so-appreciative just for the chance to breathe the same air as him, and Nicki played it right last week when she thanked him just for having her on group dates.
They go walking around Puerto Rico, but then it starts pouring so they have to buy new civilian Puerto Rican clothes. Ben thinks he’s pretty clever for dressing all in white linen. Sorry, just really anti-Ben right now.
They go to watch a wedding? Which is kind of creepy slash reminds Nicki of all her Ghosts of Weddings Past. I like her during this scene, she’s so considerate and sweet, and seems to not want to just commit to just any guy, and not too quickly. Which is a good reason not to do the Bachelor…but still…Ben also says that there’s a big difference to him between getting married and being engaged – signal to Bachelor Nation that the lady Ben ultimately proposes to will not be his wife for a good while after the show!
They go on a boring dinner…blah blah…Nicki gets the rose.
Back at the house, Elyse gets the one-on-one. Blakeley is very upset. For the group date, the chicas head off to play some baseball. They split into teams, and the winners get a special cocktail party with Ben. Shit. Gets. Real. These ladies are In It To Win It. It seems like playing baseball like that would be fun but there’s NO FUN HERE, only serious playing. The team with Kacie, Courtney, and some other chicks wins, and the other team is sad. Especially Blakeley, who was especially good at baseball, surprisingly. At the after party Kacie gets the rose. Fin.
Time for Elyse’s one-on-one. They go out on a huge yacht and swim around in the ocean, then go to an island for dinner. Ben inexplicably wears a tux. His hair is frizzy and he looks terrible. As Elyse drones on in her terrible accent (no offense Chicago) Ben is clearly bored. He picks up the rose, Elyse is excited. Then he harshly tells her that he “can’t” give her the rose because his other connections are stronger. She’s so upset and wants to know what she did wrong, but Ben isn’t very consoling. Ben is sticking so hard to his “good things don’t end unless they end badly” line, but that doesn’t need to be true asshole – sometimes you can let people down easy, sometimes good things can end amicably. UGH.
COURT-DAWG is waiting for Ben when he returns from dumping Elyse. She comes into his hotel room, mumbles in baby-talk, gives him some wine, and drags him out to skinny dip. Pro: she has really pretty underwear. Con: she says “I don’t think he’s ever skinny dipped with a model before, so….” Followed by her face. You know the face.
Courtney and Ben crash into the waves nakedly. They embrace, nakedly. They make out, nakedly. I would bet a bazillion dollars that they do a lot more nakedly, perhaps right there, but perhaps back in Ben’s room…because when Ben shows up for the rose ceremony cocktail party the next day, he is ashamed and admits to feeling “crappy” about going for it. It seems like Something Happened, and maybe he feels like Courtney trapped him.
Blakeley tells Ben that she is really falling and has realized that she is worthy of his love. I actually like her in this scene. Ben seems a bit weirded out and not at all surprised that this gorgeous woman thought that she wasn’t worthy of ALMIGHTLY AMAZING BEN.
Ben has several chat sessions on a blanket by the ocean, but one particularly doesn’t go well. Emily. Pros: the highlights Blakeley gave her look really nice. Cons: she brings up the Courtney thing again, and he smacks her down. He seems like he’s scolding a small child, telling her, “tread lightly” and “let it go.” Yeah, Emily should have known better. But did Ben have to act like such a sanctimonious douche bag? Let the women tell you the truth! You don’t have to believe what they say, but you should respect their right to say it! Emily slinks away crying.
Courtney spends the night chuckling to herself and playing along with the other girls when they bring up skinny dipping (well done producers). Ugh she’s the worst.
Ok, finally time for the rose ceremony. He’s sending one person home. Will it be Blakeley, who he still doesn’t seem to have a future with? Emily, who he basically yelled at for bringing up Courtney in his Exalted Presence? Casey or Jamie, who haven’t had a one-on-one yet and who we never hear from?
NO! NO THAT WOULDN’T BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR KING BEN! He has to send Jennifer, the most normal, beautiful, falling-in-love-with-Ben redhead the world has ever seen home. And he does so without much remorse or kindness. What the Flajnik is his PROBLEM? Jennifer is a class act to the end. So long Jennifer, you are worth so much more.
I can’t even write about it anymore. BEN FLAJNIK, YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE THIS UP TO ME. Until the final rose…
Episode starts strong, Nicki gets the one-on-one. We shouldn’t be surprised…the way to Ben’s heart is to be ever-so-appreciative just for the chance to breathe the same air as him, and Nicki played it right last week when she thanked him just for having her on group dates.
They go walking around Puerto Rico, but then it starts pouring so they have to buy new civilian Puerto Rican clothes. Ben thinks he’s pretty clever for dressing all in white linen. Sorry, just really anti-Ben right now.
They go to watch a wedding? Which is kind of creepy slash reminds Nicki of all her Ghosts of Weddings Past. I like her during this scene, she’s so considerate and sweet, and seems to not want to just commit to just any guy, and not too quickly. Which is a good reason not to do the Bachelor…but still…Ben also says that there’s a big difference to him between getting married and being engaged – signal to Bachelor Nation that the lady Ben ultimately proposes to will not be his wife for a good while after the show!
They go on a boring dinner…blah blah…Nicki gets the rose.
Back at the house, Elyse gets the one-on-one. Blakeley is very upset. For the group date, the chicas head off to play some baseball. They split into teams, and the winners get a special cocktail party with Ben. Shit. Gets. Real. These ladies are In It To Win It. It seems like playing baseball like that would be fun but there’s NO FUN HERE, only serious playing. The team with Kacie, Courtney, and some other chicks wins, and the other team is sad. Especially Blakeley, who was especially good at baseball, surprisingly. At the after party Kacie gets the rose. Fin.
Time for Elyse’s one-on-one. They go out on a huge yacht and swim around in the ocean, then go to an island for dinner. Ben inexplicably wears a tux. His hair is frizzy and he looks terrible. As Elyse drones on in her terrible accent (no offense Chicago) Ben is clearly bored. He picks up the rose, Elyse is excited. Then he harshly tells her that he “can’t” give her the rose because his other connections are stronger. She’s so upset and wants to know what she did wrong, but Ben isn’t very consoling. Ben is sticking so hard to his “good things don’t end unless they end badly” line, but that doesn’t need to be true asshole – sometimes you can let people down easy, sometimes good things can end amicably. UGH.
COURT-DAWG is waiting for Ben when he returns from dumping Elyse. She comes into his hotel room, mumbles in baby-talk, gives him some wine, and drags him out to skinny dip. Pro: she has really pretty underwear. Con: she says “I don’t think he’s ever skinny dipped with a model before, so….” Followed by her face. You know the face.
Courtney and Ben crash into the waves nakedly. They embrace, nakedly. They make out, nakedly. I would bet a bazillion dollars that they do a lot more nakedly, perhaps right there, but perhaps back in Ben’s room…because when Ben shows up for the rose ceremony cocktail party the next day, he is ashamed and admits to feeling “crappy” about going for it. It seems like Something Happened, and maybe he feels like Courtney trapped him.
Blakeley tells Ben that she is really falling and has realized that she is worthy of his love. I actually like her in this scene. Ben seems a bit weirded out and not at all surprised that this gorgeous woman thought that she wasn’t worthy of ALMIGHTLY AMAZING BEN.
Ben has several chat sessions on a blanket by the ocean, but one particularly doesn’t go well. Emily. Pros: the highlights Blakeley gave her look really nice. Cons: she brings up the Courtney thing again, and he smacks her down. He seems like he’s scolding a small child, telling her, “tread lightly” and “let it go.” Yeah, Emily should have known better. But did Ben have to act like such a sanctimonious douche bag? Let the women tell you the truth! You don’t have to believe what they say, but you should respect their right to say it! Emily slinks away crying.
Courtney spends the night chuckling to herself and playing along with the other girls when they bring up skinny dipping (well done producers). Ugh she’s the worst.
Ok, finally time for the rose ceremony. He’s sending one person home. Will it be Blakeley, who he still doesn’t seem to have a future with? Emily, who he basically yelled at for bringing up Courtney in his Exalted Presence? Casey or Jamie, who haven’t had a one-on-one yet and who we never hear from?
NO! NO THAT WOULDN’T BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR KING BEN! He has to send Jennifer, the most normal, beautiful, falling-in-love-with-Ben redhead the world has ever seen home. And he does so without much remorse or kindness. What the Flajnik is his PROBLEM? Jennifer is a class act to the end. So long Jennifer, you are worth so much more.
I can’t even write about it anymore. BEN FLAJNIK, YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE THIS UP TO ME. Until the final rose…
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